She’s been your friend, co-worker, or neighbor for quite a while. You’ve always thought she was nice and cute, but not attractive-attractive. Until recently. There’s just something about her.
Or, you’re at a party where you spot a woman you’ve never seen before and you immediately wonder, “Who is she?” You manage to talk to her for a few glorious minutes, then she walks away. You’re not sure if she’s into you or she’s just super friendly. But you want to find out.
In either scenario, it would be helpful to have some insight into the way women work. Well, we’re for you. Consider us your wingman. We can’t get her number for you but we’d be happy to give you some guidance on whether it’s a good idea to ask for it yourself. Here’s how you can tell if she’s into you . . .
She’s Ready to Laugh With You
If a woman is into you, you already make her smile. When you tell a joke or interject a witty comment, you’re simply giving her an excuse to smile out loud. So, if you sense that she’s ready to laugh at whatever effort you make to entertain or amuse, she’s probably interested. Also, keep in mind that most women are subtle. You’re not looking for her to “crack up” every time you speak. You’re looking for a willingness to laugh.
She Wants to Know Who You Are
When a woman thinks a man is attractive, she generally enjoys being around him. If she’s interested in him, she will be interested in getting to know him as a person. Depending on the situation in which you met, she may first take to social media to learn the basics–what do you do for fun, what your job is, whether you have a healthy social circle of family, friends, etc. While you may not know whether she has visited your social network sites, you will notice this:
If she is interested in you she will ask you questions about yourself and then listen to your answers. We don’t mean a stream of questions that come one after another, like a game of 20 Questions. We mean questions about who you are that lead to stories, and maybe more questions. If you think she’s attentive and actually listening, she probably is.
She Finds Reasons to Be Around You
If a woman finds reasons to be around you, she’s definitely interested in you. Here’s an example:
You meet a woman early in the evening at a party. Later, you notice she keeps walking past you and making eye contact. Or, maybe she isn’t making eye contact–that depends on how bold she is. The question to ask yourself is, “Did she really need to walk past me that many times?” If the answer is no, but she seems to be getting closer and closer, we think it’s time to reengage. Women who aren’t interested in you won’t seek to engage you by being in close proximity to you. And, this probably goes without saying but, the likelihood she’s interested in you is even higher if she simply sits next to you. If she does, feel free to strike up a conversation!
Her Eyes Linger On You
Have you ever heard the saying, “There’s no neutral eye contact?” Well, keep that in mind as you read on.
When you’re having a conversation with a woman who’s interested in you, she’ll make and keep eye contact with you. Conversely, if she isn’t interested, she won’t because she won’t want to send a signal that could lead to an uncomfortable misunderstanding. Even the friendliest of women avoid lingering eye contact with men they aren’t interested in.
She Looks Again
Imagine you’re at the office and the woman you’ve enjoyed getting to know over cubicle walls and in meetings catches your eye as you walk past her to the water cooler. You don’t want to make too much of it because you can’t be sure she was looking at you–maybe she just happened to look up while you were walking by. You look away. Then, you look at her again. Sure enough, she looks back too.
We’ve all been there–the look, followed by the look away, and then the second glance. This is a sure sign a woman is interested in you. She likes seeing you but she doesn’t want to be too obvious. Even so, that second glance gives her away.
Think of it this way, both men and women walk past her all day long. She isn’t going to take the time to glance at everyone. Just the one she’s happy to see. Might even be you!
She Is Aware of Your Presence in the Room
When a woman is into you she’ll pay attention to you. It doesn’t matter how many other people are in the room. She will be aware of where you are, and your proximity to her. We don’t mean to say that women who are interested will act clingy. It isn’t that. She’ll be aware of other people in the room, and she’ll briefly engage with them, as well. But her focus will be on you. You’ll notice that she acts slightly differently with you than with others in the room.
She Touches You
A woman who is into you will find ways to playfully or casually touch you. A slight pat on the forearm, a touch on your upper back as she walks by, a hand on your shoulder while she’s laughing at one of your stories . . . these may all be signs that she’s interested in you, especially if they’re accompanied by other signs of interest. The psychology behind these gentle touches is simple–touch elevates your heart rate and hers, and it builds attraction. When a woman touches you in one of these ways, or at all, she is most likely expressing a desire to be closer to you and to let you know she is receptive to your touch, as well.
She Plays with Her Hair or Fidgets
If a woman is interested in you, she will naturally experience an elevated awareness of both herself and you when you’re around. This elevated interest usually leads to a bit of anxiety. So, when a woman begins to subtly fix her own hair, check to make sure her lipstick isn’t smudged, or that her bra strap isn’t peaking from beneath her tank top, she’s engaging in what psychologists call “replacement gestures.” These are gestures that redirect anxiety. They’re also gestures that can signal what’s in her mind. For example, she might touch the side of her neck, her chest, or even bite her bottom lip. If you observe these behaviors, along with a series of others in this list, it’s highly probable she’s interested in you.
She Builds Connection with You
We probably talk to a hundred people a day–at the grocery store, gas stations, passing people in the halls, etc. All these quick interactions build our repertoire of topics for small talk. We’ve mastered idle chatter about the weather, news stories, the weather again. Yadda-yadda.
If a woman is interested in you she may begin with small talk just to open the door. It would be weird if she introduced herself and then jumped into the deep end of the connection pool, “Hi, I’m Sarah, what are your hopes and dreams for the future?” Back off, Sarah. Instead, she will authentically communicate with you. Maybe ask you how your day is going and–given the right circumstances–ask deeper questions about your work, your background, the kind of books you read, movies you watch–anything that will give her insight into who you are.
She Trusts You
Women don’t seek men out by accident. They’re pros at avoiding men they don’t want to spend time with. That being said, if she’s motivated to spend time with you she’s already decided at least three things–1) She’s physically attracted to you 2) She’s mentally attracted to you and 3) She trusts you. We don’t only mean she trusts you not to be an axe murderer (though we’re certain she’s had the thought), we mean she’s observed enough about you to decide she trusts you with her stories. If she trusts you enough to share with you, she’s interested in you.
She Texts You Back . . . Or Texts You First
If you ever have to wonder if she got your text, she’s not interested. If you have to check your sent messages to make sure the last text you sent made it to her, she’s not interested. If you have to check to make sure your phone is on because she hasn’t texted or called at all, she’s not interested. Conversely, when a woman is into you, she won’t only text you back, she’ll also text first sometimes. We know there are a lot of rules about this on the Internet. Most people will say there should be a 1:1 ratio–if she texts you once, text her back once. This is probably a good rule of thumb, but don’t get caught up on rules. Just know if she’s into you, you’ll hear from her.
She Thinks About You
Obviously, you won’t be able to tell if she’s thinking about you by looking at her–we don’t have that technology yet. But maybe one day! For now, you can tell if she’s been thinking about you if she follows up on small details you’ve dropped about yourself.
Let say, for example, you’ve mentioned your obsession for the TV series Yellowstone in passing. If she’s into you, she’ll download the series and watch it. It isn’t that she has a sudden urge to dive into intrigue and feuds that take place in wide-open spaces–it’s that she’s got a sudden interest in finding things to talk to you about. When she’s thinking about you, she’s wondering who you truly are, and–as a result–she’ll engage with the shows, music, and books you’ve mentioned so she can learn more about who you are and whether you’d be a good match. In short, if she ever says, “I watched that show you love,” she’s into you.
She Compliments You
Don’t take this one for granted! Her compliments may be subtle–so subtle they come off as seemingly off-handed, but rest assured, if she compliments you she’s taking a risk and she knows it.
If you work together and you come into the office sporting a new tie she might say something as simple as, “Is that tie new? I like it.” Or, if you come in with a new haircut she might note, “That haircut looks good on you.”
If you’re in a class together and you sound particularly intelligent when answering one of the professor’s questions, she may smile and say, “Wow, I didn’t realize I was sitting next to Einstein.”
If you don’t believe us, consider the opposite scenario. Do you think a woman would make this kind of personal connection if she definitely did not want to further ingratiate herself to her and let you know she’s paying attention?
Her Body Language is Forward Facing
Here’s a pro-tip for you! Often the woman you’re interested in won’t even realize she’s giving you this clue: when she’s into you, she’ll face you with her entire body. Whether she’s seated or standing, her shoulders and feet will point directly toward you.
This psychological gesutre is one that expresses interest, trust, and focus. Especially when it’s coupled with other indicators of attraction, such as eye contact and a slight smile. So, if you’re interested in a woman and you’re trying to figure out if she’s into you too, join a conversation in which she’s already engaged. If she eventually adjusts her feet, shoulders, and face in your direction, that’s an excellent sign she’s into you.
Her Lips Hang Slightly Open or She Bites Her Lower Lip
Similar to the psychology behind why a woman might point her shoulders and feet toward someone she’s interested in, a woman’s mouth can also give her away. Without even realizing it, what the mind is imagining, the mouth will convey.
When a woman is focused on her computer, reading a book, or casually listening to a friend, her mouth will usually be in a relaxed state. This state is characterized by lips that are softened, as opposed to tense, and lightly closed, as opposed to pursed. Conversely, when a woman is faced with someone she’s really into, her mind can drift into images of romance or sex, which creates a tension between what she’s imagining and her current situation. For example, if the two of you bump into one another at the gym from time to time, she isn’t likely to come right out and say she’s into you, but she’ll think it. When she does, you may be able to spot this sign.