Rejected Baby Names

Parents usually try their best to pick unique, meaningful names for their little bundles of joy. Unfortunately, some baby names aren’t the greatest, and when that happens, governments often step in to help select more appropriate ones. In one country, you can’t name your child after a popular breakfast spread, while in another, parents were denied naming their baby after an animal. And did you know there’s a country where the name “Linda” is forbidden? 

Whether names are tasteless, don’t meet a nation’s cultural standards, or could lead to lifelong embarrassment for a child, these are a few of the top banned baby names from around the world.

Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

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Name: Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

Where it’s banned: New Zealand

Why it’s banned: At nine years old, a young girl asked a judge to have her name “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii” changed as she was too embarrassed to share it with friends at school. While the girl’s original name is probably inspired by the song and/or band of similar origins, kinder and smarter parents would have just named her “Talula” instead of this long, six-worded moniker. Also, yikes on New Zealand’s part for letting such a ridiculous name get approved at the girl’s birth in the first place!

Facebook

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Name: Facebook

Where it’s banned: Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: It’s a social networking site, for crying out loud! Enough bullying happens on the website itself, let alone if you named a kid after it. Also, if you tell us someone has tried to name their kid something like eBay, Instagram, or so help us, Tinder, we’re going to riot.

Lucifer

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Name: Lucifer

Where it’s banned: Germany, New Zealand, and Iceland

Why it’s banned: Um, regardless of your religious preferences, why would anyone think it’s a good idea to name their son after a satanic figure? If you want a similar-sounding name, though, we recommend Lucian, Luke, or even Lucius as far less offensive alternatives.

Majesty

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Name: Majesty

Where it’s banned: certain parts of the USA, plus New Zealand

Why it’s banned: Several nations, the US among them, have varying restrictions on naming babies after official titles, such as King, Queen, and in this case, Majesty. It’s a lovely sounding name, we’ll give it that, but since it’s a title typically only used for royalty, maybe bestow it on a prize-winning mare, or a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel? Just a thought.

Fish and Chips

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Names: Fish and Chips

Where they’re banned: New Zealand

Why they’re banned: While “Chips” isn’t that strange (a few boys are named Chip after all), you already know that any kid with the name “Fish” would 100% be forever ridiculed. This is most of the reason why a pair of New Zealand parents were denied naming their twin sons Fish and Chips. If the parents really wanted to stick with food-themed dynamic duos, why didn’t they think of more normal pairings like Mike and Ike or Ben and Jerry?

Sarah

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Name: Sarah

Where it’s banned: Morocco

Why it’s banned: In part to preserve Moroccan traditions and culture, parents of Moroccan newborns have to choose baby names from a government-approved list. “Sarah” is a Hebrew name, so it didn’t make the cut. However, the Arabic spelling “Sara” is permitted.

III

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Name: III (pronounced “Three”)

Where it’s banned: California and New Zealand

Why it’s banned: Several places prevent using numbers and/or numerals in baby names. Honestly, the name “III” is just kind of dumb in our opinion. And wouldn’t assigning a number to a child have various negative effects, like the child always believing they’re in third place?

Also, why the name “III” in the first place? Were they born on the third of the month, and the parents didn’t want to have to remember their birthday, or worse, were they the third child, and the parents just gave up on names after their first two kids?

Nutella

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Name: Nutella

Where it’s banned: France

Why it’s banned: Look, a lot of people love Nutella, but it’s just not a name you’d want for your daughter unless you want her to be bullied. If you like how it sounds, then go with Ella or Bella.

Also, of all the food-inspired names, why a spread? You don’t name your child Peanut Butter or Hummus. Actually acceptable food-based names include the likes of Reuben, Sherry, and Olive.

Monkey

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Name: Monkey

Where it’s banned: Denmark

Why it’s banned: Danish parents can either choose from a pre-approved list of roughly 7,000 baby names, or get permission to use one that’s not on the list. No surprise here, but a set of parents petitioning to name their child “Monkey” were thankfully rejected.

Seriously though, in what world is it not cruel to name children after animals? And why would you want “Monkey” to be a child’s legal name — that they would have to live with their whole life and put on resumes and college applications — when it could easily be a cute childhood nickname?

Linda

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Name: Linda

Where it’s banned: Saudi Arabia

Why it’s banned: Poor Linda. It’s a solid, traditional girls’ name. However, it was deemed too Western to be used for newborn girls in Saudi Arabia, where names have to adhere to Saudi social and cultural traditions.

Messiah

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Name: Messiah

Where it’s banned: certain parts of the US, plus New Zealand

Why it’s banned: Remember how we said a lot of places take issue with kids being named after official titles? That rule also extends to religious titles and figures, so don’t go trying to name your kid Savior, Messiah, Jesus Christ, or Pope Francis. “Angel” is perfectly fine, though keep in mind it’s also a popular stripper name.

Martian

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Name: Martian

Where it’s banned: Malaysia, the United Kingdom, and Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: Does anyone think that naming a child after an alien or extraterrestrial won’t lead to bullying? If all else, wouldn’t it set up the child to always feel like an outsider, i.e., practically from another planet? And if you really like how the name sounds, why not go with much less terrible-sounding names like Martin or Marvin?

Cyanide

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Name: Cyanide

Where it’s banned: the United Kingdom

Why it’s banned: While a little girl’s mother tried to argue with Welsh courts that the name “Cyanide” had positive connotations (because it was, in fact, the poison that Hitler used to kill himself), thankfully, the courts weren’t convinced and rejected the name. We shouldn’t go around naming children after other deadly items like anthrax or guillotine, either. It’d just be too cruel.

Prince William

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Name: Prince William

Where it’s banned: France

Why it’s banned: Well first of all, the name is already taken. Second, like most places, French officials generally frown upon baby names that sound like official titles. So, combining the title “Prince” with the name of an already fairly famous royal isn’t going to go over very well. Also, why not just call your son “William” and refer to him as your little prince? It seems like many of these baby names wouldn’t be rejected if parents just chose normal legal names and unique nicknames. Just sayin’.

Anal

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Name: Anal

Where it’s banned: Australia and New Zealand

Why it’s banned: Um, do we have to get anyone a dictionary to look up the meaning of the word “offensive?” Because this would be it. We’ve no idea what the parents were thinking, but clearly, disaster was avoided when courts ruled against this name on the grounds of obscenity. If someone tries to name their kid this, they probably shouldn’t be parents in the first place.

LOL

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Name: LOL

Where it’s banned: Australia

Why it’s banned: This little girl’s not laughing, and we aren’t either. Kids’ names shouldn’t be a joke to anyone, let alone a slang term or an acronym. No one should laugh out loud about such terrible parental judgment, but can we all collectively shake our heads that the parents didn’t immediately think of the name “Lola” as a kinder, smarter alternative?

Batman

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Name: Batman

Where it’s banned: Australia and Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: Regardless of how much anyone enjoys the DC comics, anyone who appreciates the origins of the Caped Crusader knows it’s a bad idea to name your child after him. Naming your kid after a superhero, let alone one who only became a superhero after his parents were murdered right in front of him, is just asking for trouble. Avoid setting up your son to be orphaned and traumatized, and just call him Bruce instead.

Stephen

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Name: Stephen

Where it’s banned: Hungary

Why it’s banned: In Hungary, citizens have to choose baby names from a registry of approved names that adhere to the native Hungarian language and alphabet. The common English spelling “Stephen” isn’t allowed, yet the Hungarian spelling of “Stefán” is permitted. We haven’t checked, but the English variant “Steven” probably isn’t allowed either. Language is weird.

Babord and Tribord, aka Port and Starboard

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Names: Babord and Tribord (English translation: Port and Starboard)

Where they’re banned: France

Why they’re banned: Apparently, two sailing enthusiast parents wanted to name their twin sons after the maritime directions for left and right. However, their nautical dreams were dashed against the rocks when the court refused to legalize the names. It was probably for the best, as that would have been pretty confusing for the twins if they ever tried steering a boat in the future.

Sex Fruit

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Name: Sex Fruit

Where it’s banned: New Zealand

Why it’s banned: Because it’s crude, offensive, and honestly, just really stupid-sounding. What were the parents thinking? Our best guess is that maybe fruit was used as an aphrodisiac during conception? But we digress. If you try to name your kid “Sex Fruit,” we’re naming you worst parent of the year.

iMac

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Name: iMac

Where it’s banned: Australia

Why it’s banned: It’s the name of an object, not a person! And no matter how popular or cutting-edge a piece of technology is, naming your baby after an electronic is pretty cold and miscalculated. Literally.

Mack, Macklin, or Mackenzie would have all been appropriate alternatives, as opposed to Tablet, iPod, or Kindle.

Santa Claus

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Name: Santa Claus

Where it’s banned: certain parts of the US

Why it’s banned: Technically, the name is already taken, and anyone bearing it would confuse children all over the world. While the existence of Santa Claus is mostly mythical (though he was based on the real-life monk, St. Nicholas), it’s still a pretty famous name, and anyone trying to capitalize on that moniker is going to disappoint kids and anger parents and guardians everywhere. Still want a Christmassy name that’s appropriate year-round? Try Kris, Nick, or Nicholas.

US Navy

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Name: US Navy

Where it’s banned: Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: If you can’t name a baby after official titles like Prince or Queen, then you certainly shouldn’t be able to name them after branches of the armed forces. We don’t know the exact reasoning behind the parents wanting the military-inspired name, but wouldn’t just “Navy” have worked? Or “Aquamarine,” inspired by the Marines?

Nirvana

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Name: Nirvana

Where it’s banned: Portugal

Why it’s banned: For one, Portuguese law states that parents must choose baby names from a reapproved list of names that preserve Portuguese culture, and “Nirvana” was not on the list. Additionally, naming your baby after a rock band isn’t as cool as you think it is, especially when the name “Nirvana” actually has Hindu and Buddhist origins that people often disregard.

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116

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Name: Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (Pronounced “Albin”)

Where it’s banned: Sweden

Why it’s banned: Well, for starters, it’s a 43-character long monstrosity containing eight c’s, five numbers, and zero vowels. Swedish parents tried to give their son this colossal name in part to protest baby-naming laws in Sweden in the 1990s. Understandably, the name was rejected for clearly being ridiculous, and the parents were fined 5,000 kronor (about $500-700 US, adjusting for inflation).

And in case you’re wondering, the standard spelling of “Albin” is perfectly legal in Sweden. We hope for their son’s sake, the couple just went with that after paying the fine.

Arm

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Name: Arm

Where it’s banned: Saudi Arabia

Why it’s banned: Is there a single baby name inspired by a body part that isn’t weird? Don’t answer that. There isn’t.

For whatever reason parents wanted to name their kid this, we’re glad that the government stepped in and denied the request. And if, for whatever reason, you enjoy how the word “arm” sounds, might we suggest calling your child “Armand” instead? It’s a bit more dignified, and a lot less weird.

Spinach

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Name: Spinach

Where it’s banned: Australia and Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: Name one child that actually likes spinach, or practically any of their vegetables. You can’t, and that’s precisely why this is a terrible baby name. If you’re going to have a food-inspired namesake, at least pick something that’s a little less polarizing than spinach, broccoli, etc. Maybe Brie, Clementine, or Barry/Berry?

Mini Cooper

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Name: Mini Cooper

Where it’s banned: France

Why it’s banned: It’s a type of car. The parents could have easily gone with just “Minnie” (short for Mary, Amelia, and several other girls’ names) or “Cooper” (though granted, we’re not super fond of this one since nowadays it’s a pretty popular dogs’ name). In keeping with the car theme, Lexus, Bentley, and Aston would have all sufficed.

Yeah Detriot

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Name: Yeah Detriot

Where it’s banned: New Zealand

Why it’s banned: To be honest, naming children after cities like London, Paris, or Austin isn’t the worst thing in the world. However, and while we mean no offense to the citizens of Detriot, it’s just not the nicest-sounding name for a child. Also, while “Detroit” probably would have been a so-so name, “Yeah Detriot” is all-around terrible.

Robocop

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Name: Robocop

Where it’s banned: Sonora, Mexico

Why it’s banned: Do we even have to explain this one? Regardless of one’s affection for the sci-fi action film of the same name from the 1980s (or its 2014 remake), can anyone really say in good conscience that this would be a good name for a child?

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